


when it rains

by aishjinjaa



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flashbacks, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, Time Skips, dealing with death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23588839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishjinjaa/pseuds/aishjinjaa
Summary: After one year of wishing—Jaehyun comes back to Doyoung.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 30
Kudos: 100





	1. prologue.

Nothing ever prepared Doyoung for losing Jaehyun. One might describe it like all the air had been eradicated from his body, or all the light had been sucked away—but none of those even came close. It was harder. It lasted longer. It might last forever. The heart is a soft tissue but it never heals. When something has been ripped from it, it just stays broken like that, forever. Anyone who said they’ve been “healed” or some bullshit but none of those are true. People move on, people move forward, but the gaps are forever gaps, and people just live with it. That’s why people avoid allowing anyone else to attach themselves altogether, but to Doyoung, if he didn’t, would anything even be worth it? It was almost unfathomable not letting Jaehyun in.

_ God,  _ what if they never met.

Some well-meaning people have implied that it would have been better if he’d never met Jaehyun at all—he tried his best not to get angry at them. Some people just suck at making other people feel better. He didn’t know why they thought bad-mouthing Jaehyun was gonna cut it, though. It wasn’t like he’d cheated on Doyoung or left him for someone else. Jaehyun  _ died  _ for god’s sake. It wasn’t like he wanted to leave.

It hadn’t been abrupt, Doyoung knew that for sure.

Jaehyun had been sick for years, and his health had been continuously deteriorating for quite a while. Weeks before he passed, he was rushed to the hospital and fell into a coma. Two weeks later, he woke up, pale, disoriented, and weaker than ever. The doctor told Doyoung to get ready. He tried his best. But it didn’t stop him from melting into Jaehyun’s hand when he stopped breathing, holding onto it like a lifeline, wondering if Jaehyun could take him if he held on tight enough. They let him sob in that hospital room for quite a while. He didn’t even get the chance to move Jaehyun back home so he could have been surrounded by familiarity before he went. His last words were, “Will you be here when I wake up? I’ll be back.” And it’s more painful than any ‘i love you’ he could have ever uttered. 

Jaehyun had been it.

Sometimes Doyoung envied old married couples. Sure, it was sure that one of them would go first before the other. But you’re already  _ old,  _ the waiting wouldn’t be too long before you eventually followed. Doyoung was still 27 years old and painfully healthy, if he isn’t run over by any moving vehicle soon, then he would have to wait for around 50… 60 years before he could follow Jaehyun.

“How would we look like if we got to heaven?” he sprung up on his brother once. They’ve both been home for their mom’s birthday then, which she suggested they didn’t celebrate since Doyoung was still in mourning, bless her soul. But Doyoung refused. He has forever to mourn, his mom only has her 50 th birthday once.

“What?” he was washing the plates after losing rock-paper-scissors with Doyoung, which he rarely wins. He sat by the counter, however, keeping his brother company while his parents went outside to talk and for some fresh air.

“If I died at say… 95 years old, when I get to heaven, would I look like a 95-year old?”

“Why the fuck would I know?” That made Doyoung chuckle. Why, indeed. No one could even be sure if heaven existed in the first place.

He liked talking with his brother. After Jaehyun died, everyone treated him like he was  _ so  _ fragile that they wouldn’t even start talking to him. After giving him some time, Donghyun treated him back to when he did usually, which actually helped more—his straightforwardness and bluntness reminded Doyoung that time didn’t stop and just like everyone else, he should continue moving no matter how painful it was. He was the only person he could talk to things like these without being treated like a widower.

“What if I died as an old man and when I get to heaven, Jaehyun would be like… this muscular, beautiful, Adonis of a 25-year old boy and I’d be wrinkly and greyed… ugh.”

Donghyun threw him an amused look. “That’s seriously what you’re worried about?”

“Well, I’m worried about a lot of things but it’ll just get depressing. This is the least depressing of them all, we’re gonna talk about this one.”

“Well, it’s heaven,” his brother finally answered. “Everything’s supposed to be perfect there, right? Maybe you can be in your 20s if you want to be.”

Doyoung thought about the response, and after a while, decided that it was good enough. “Yeah, I think that’s true.”

“Plus, Jaehyun would still love wrinkly you anyway.”

Doyoung smiled to himself. There was no doubt in his mind that Jaehyun loved him unconditionally. But that’s only because he wasn’t 95 years old. But he liked to think that it would be true, either way.

“I would have liked to see him grow old along with me.”

-

Visiting Jaehyun had never been easy, it is for this very reason that Doyoung had only visited him twice in the past year. During his birthday, and on Jaehyun’s birthday—so twice in February alone then never again. 

He’s back because it’s been one year. Jaehyun’s parents asked him if they wanted to come with them in the morning but Doyoung made the excuse that he had something to do in the morning and could only go in the afternoon. But the real reason was that he wanted to be alone with Jaehyun—he wanted to sit by him, tell him about his year, ask him about his… He ultimately praised himself for that decision. The sunset rays cast a soft orange glow inside the building, basking Jaehyun’s framed picture in a beautiful light. He chose a picture of when they graduated college. He was still healthy back then—when his cheeks were still tinged pink and his dimples sunk deep into his fleshy face. 

“You’re beautiful, honey.” Doyoung whispered as he stared at Jaehyun’s smiling face. He didn’t even notice himself choking up. 

“Your boyfriend?” Doyoung jumped when an old woman suddenly asked him. He thought he’d been alone then. He couldn’t get annoyed at her since she looked vulnerable, too, kneeling in front of an old man’s columbarium near Jaehyun’s. 

“Husband.” Doyoung corrected. 

The old lady frowned, he thought she was going to say something homophobic but she teared up instead. “How old was he?”

“Twenty six.”

She slowly stood and walked forward and looked at Jaehyun’s picture. “Such a handsome boy.”

“He was.” Doyoung smiled at Jaehyun fondly, reminiscing all those times he frowned at the people who ogled Jaehyun openly. Jaehyun was already very cute when they were young, and when he matured, he got even more beautiful and graceful. He was almost hard to look at. 

“My husband died at twenty six, too.” She smiled at him. Doyoung had been taken aback then. She looked like she was in her sixties. “Blood cancer.” It was Doyoung’s turn to look at the other columbarium. It had a weathered picture of a young man who died in 1980. “Yours?”

Doyoung figured she was asking about what killed him so he answered simply. “Brain cancer.”

She nodded, understanding. “I’ve been waiting a long time,” she murmured. “I’m looking forward to seeing him again.”

“You never remarried?”

“No,” she knelt in front of her husband once again, decorating his columbarium with pretty yellow flowers. “I’d found my soulmate. He just went first. I can wait.”

Doyoung had seen his future. Old, surviving, waiting. 

“If you’re lucky, you could be one of those who doesn’t have to wait long to see them again.”

-

It was pouring when Doyoung was walking home. He thought it would be the perfect day to commute since it was cold and windy so he didn’t take a car. At least he got to bring an umbrella. He thought about what the old woman had said.  _ If you’re lucky,  _ she called it, and weirdly, it had been the most comforting thing Doyoung could hear. Everyone comforted him through encouraging him to remarry, find someone else, create a new family—but  _ she  _ understood. After all, she’d lost her husband very young, too. What people around him didn’t understand was that he didn’t want anyone else, he didn’t want to remarry, he didn’t want to fall in love again. He just wants Jaehyun and no one else. 

The rain poured harder as Doyoung was nearing the row of stores near his house and by this point, the umbrella had almost been pointless. It was also getting darker and darker, causing some of the shops to close early. 

“Doyoung!” One shop owner who sold tofu called out to him. “Get some shade and come in here first!” She shouted across the street, her words nearly drowned by the lashing rain. 

“Thank you!” He shouted back. “I’m nearly home, it’s fine!” She nodded and let him go. He and Jaehyun had been regulars of most of the shops there and they were familiar with the aunties and uncles who owned them. As he walked down the block, he took notice of a figure hunched under the rain, looking around. The man was drenched, seemingly unsure of what to do. 

Doyoung tried to approach him, to try to ask him if he needed help. “Excuse me?” Doyoung called out. Surely, one of the shop owners would be willing to help this man out. “Excuse me?” Doyoung called louder, but the man couldn’t hear him and wouldn’t turn around. 

Doyoung finally reached out, touching the man’s arm gently. “Hey, do you need any help?”

As soon as the man turned, Doyoung retracted his hand like it burned him. Air was knocked out of his chest and he stumbled back. His mind blanked. 

It was Jung Jaehyun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is based on Takuji Ichigawa’s Be With You—
> 
> this will be my first chaptered jaedo, i hope i’ll do a good job (fingers crossed)


	2. 1.

“ _Jaehyun?_ ” Doyoung’s voice fell almost into a whisper, fearing that his hallucination would break if he spoke too loudly and Jaehyun would disappear. “Jaehyun?” he just stared at Doyoung, shivering in the cold. He knew that look in his face—it’s his face when he’s feeling helpless and completely, and utterly confused.

Doyoung was shivering, too, but it wasn’t from the cold. He’s pretty sure he’s imagining this whole thing, he’s been vulnerable and at his all-time low, after all. It’s been exactly one year since Jaehyun left him and he’s bound to be a lot more sensitive, but this is just crazy. He has heard about this, of people sinking so deep into depression they start hallucinating, they start seeing someone who isn’t supposed to be there. _But he looks so real._ He was still staring at Doyoung, the confused expression never leaving his face.

Doyoung has since abandoned the umbrella, kneeling beside the man who _looked_ like Jaehyun—too much like him. The man opened his mouth but nothing came out at first. For a split second Doyoung had started thinking if he was going to get his first horror-inspired experience in his life but instead, the man managed to speak. “Where am I?”

The voice was Jaehyun’s, he was sure of it. He hadn’t heard it in a year but he’d recognize his voice anytime, anyplace—and if he was hallucinating, then he’s definitely having an extremely vivid one. “Jaehyun?” he couldn’t think of anything else to respond with. He reached out to touch him again, and to Doyoung’s horror, he was still solid. He’s either fucked up and hallucinating some extremely vivid shit, or this person in front of him is a _live_ person who may or _may not_ be Jaehyun.

“How do you know my name? Who are you?”

_And whose name is also Jaehyun._

Doyoung’s heart fell, he doesn’t know him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, if this was actually Jaehyun, or if this was some kind of vivid imagination, he would have wanted his husband to recognize him right away, run into his arms once again, say his name just one more time…

“Come with me.” They were both soaking in the rain. One of them was confused and lost, and the other is shaken, and if possible, even more confused. Doyoung touched the other man’s sleeve and tried to pull him into action before he stopped dead in his tracks. He noticed for the first time that the man was wearing a bright blue sweater with double white stripes. It was Doyoung’s sweater.

He pulled his hand back once again, startled at his realization. His heartbeat picked up uncomfortably, pulsing in the middle of his throat. He hadn’t seen it in a while and he thought he left it at the hospital after… He turned around, “follow me” he croaked and walked away.

 _Stop. Stop._ While he rushed home in the rain, he wished that when he turned back, Jaehyun would be gone. It was just an imagination—he’s just too vulnerable, too depressed, and this is just a figment of his playful mind. But when he stopped and looked back, he was still there. He continued home with the man still following him—he could still hear the splashing footsteps behind him. _What if he’s a murderer?_ As much as he wanted to follow Jaehyun in heaven, he wouldn’t want to be murdered by someone who looked so much like him.

-

Doyoung paced around the living room while the man who looked like Jaehyun changed in the bathroom by the hallway. He continued looking at his phone, contemplating about telling someone about what’s happening.

_Who should he call?_

_What should he say? ‘Hey I think Jaehyun’s back from the dead, and he’s in our bathroom right now, what should I do?’._ That’s just crazy. Everyone will think he’s starting to go crazy, which right now, feels like it’s isn’t too far from the truth. When he finally looked up, Jaehyun—let’s just call him that because he said that’s his name anyway—was standing in the living room, looking at the frames perched on top of the piano.

Doyoung watched him. No matter how he studies him—this isn’t just a man who looks and has the same name as his husband. _This is_ his husband. He recognized the placement of piercings and even the haircut was familiar to Doyoung. He even bought some of the earrings currently on the man’s ear. And Jaehyun was cremated _with_ those. A shiver ran down his spine. Is this really Jaehyun? _His_ Jaehyun?

“I remember this.” He pointed at his graduation photo which was still at the center of the line-up of photos.

“What?” Doyoung stepped a little bit closer, terrified of making more contact.

“I remember this.” He looks back at Doyoung, his eyes studying him. Doyoung suddenly felt self-conscious, covering himself with his arms. “Jung Yoonoh, Korea University, Bachelor of Laws. I remember this. It was cloudy during my graduation,” he suddenly looked uncomfortable. “That’s all I remember. Were my parents there?”

Doyoung blinked. “Yeah…” Doyoung remembered fussing about Jaehyun’s red and black toga, umbrella in hand, ready to shield him if it rained.

“Were _you_ there?” he added.

Doyoung frowned. Jaehyun’s graduation had been one of the best memories of their lives. Just a few months into their relationship, Jaehyun had already suggested marriage and even though he pretended like he was hesitating, he was more than ready to run off with him and elope. But they’d both been college students then, and Jaehyun was trying to complete an undergraduate degree in Law and there was no way he’d manage to get married in the middle of that all. So, they waited. They waited until Jaehyun graduated before they could finally get married. They kept those plans to themselves, so they had this little inside communication between the two of them on his graduation day. Jaehyun’s diagnosis came only after their wedding, and they really thought they were going to live very long lives and grow old together.

“I was,” Doyoung whispered. He took another step closer, which is probably a bad idea since he was suspecting the man to be a murderer. “I took that picture.”

Even though there’s a good possibility he’s just imagining things and he’s alone right now, talking to himself—and a smaller probability that he might get murdered while he slept, he wanted to at least enjoy having the thought of having Jaehyun around once more. Even though he didn’t seem to know Doyoung.

He looked at the rest of the pictures. Some of them were solos of Doyoung, some of them were his solos, but the rest of the photos were of the two of them in the most special moments in their lives. There’s a picture of the two of them during Doyoung’s graduation, one when they were still _pretending_ to be dating back when Doyoung was still in his second year. _Oh that is a story._ And the biggest one in the middle was taken on their wedding.

“I’m married?” Jaehyun finally asked after some minutes of silence. Doyoung held his breath, none of this was normal. The man standing in his living room right now is first: supposed to be his husband, second: seemed to have completely forgotten him, third: supposed to be dead, and fourth: accepting the fact that he _is, in fact,_ the Jaehyun lived in this house. He has no idea what’s going on. “To you?”

Doyoung didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to. First of all, he wasn’t sure if this man was actually his husband. There are things that point to that, sure, but is he just supposed to accept the fact that Jaehyun is _alive?_ Tangible? All Doyoung could remember was how he was present when they cremated him and it doesn’t really settle right with him. Or maybe he’s just overthinking this. Is he supposed to not overthink this? To just accept that his husband is back? _From the dead?_

He had to get away for a while. He needed some help.

He stepped out of the living room to finally ask for help. After three rings, he finally picked up. “Johnny?”

 _“Yo, Doyoung. What’s up?”_ his voice was laced with worry, just like every person who knew that it’s his husband’s death anniversary. But Johnny always finds a way to find humor in things and manage to be casual.

“Can you come over?”

“ _Oh,”_ his voice sounded hesitant. _“Doyoung, you’re cute and all, but I was your husband’s best friend, and I’m married and I love my small bean a lot—,”_

Doyoung chuckled. That’s Johnny. “Shut up, it’s not that.”

_“Oh, thank God. That would have been awkward.”_

“Johnny, I’m serious, come over now. I need to show you something.”

 _“Now_ that _sounds even more suggestive but since we’ve ruled that out, I’m guessing this is really important.”_

“It is, please. And, _please_ come alone. I’d like to keep this to ourselves for now.”

_“Why do you have to phrase it like that? It sounds so wrong.”_

“I fucking hate you, did you know that?”

_“Fine, fine, I’ll be there soon.”_

-

Doyoung sat by the kitchen counter, observing Jaehyun from across the room. He was still wearing robes since Doyoung wasn’t completely sure what to give him. He was sat on the couch, flipping through his college yearbook. Jaehyun shivered, probably from the fact that he was probably naked underneath the robes and was just soaked in the rain. Considering they’d have company soon, Doyoung sighed and walked back to his bedroom, picking out his own clothes. He didn’t feel comfortable giving Jaehyun’s clothes to… someone he wasn’t sure was Jaehyun yet.

He quietly put the clothes beside Jaehyun, who looked up and smiled at him in gratitude. Doyoung’s breath was caught in his throat. He had the dimples, too. Doyoung started to walk away when he took the sweater to change.

“Is it weird that I know that these are your clothes?” Doyoung stopped in his tracks. “I don’t remember you…” he started. “But I do know that there’s two of these. Mine’s pink. This is purple, this is yours.”

Doyoung was about to get into a very lengthy interrogating session when he heard a car pull up outside. He saved the interrogation for later and rushed out to greet Johnny and brief him to prevent a potential heart attack.

“Doyoung?” Johnny called out while he removed his shoes and Doyoung had to back him up as a greeting. “What? What’s up?”

“Someone’s in my living room,” Doyoung started. He didn’t even know how to begin to describe what’s happening.

“You’ve found someone else? That’s fast.”

“ _No,_ _listen to me,_ ” he looked at Johnny pointedly to express how serious it was. “Someone’s on my couch. A person who shouldn’t be here _at all._ Please promise me you’re calmed enough not to die in my house.”

“I promise. What’s going on?” Finally, Doyoung backed away and let Johnny into the house.

The moment Johnny laid eyes on Jaehyun, he froze on the spot. It was like he’d seen a ghost. Which he apparently is. His mouth was agape, and he stood rooted on the spot. What was even more surprising, was that Jaehyun recognized him. “Johnny!” he smiled widely. “Can you help me with what’s going on?”

Johnny looked back at Doyoung with a crazy panicked look in his eyes. “Doyoung…?” he croaked, almost terrified.

“I have no idea what’s going, either.” He pulled Johnny by the arm to talk to him in the kitchen. He motioned for Jaehyun to stay in the living room.

“When did this happen?” he hadn’t even sat down when he asked.

“Just a few hours ago, I found him in the middle of the street, drenched with rain.”

“Is it…” his eyes wandered to the direction of the living room. “Is he real? Like this isn’t a collective hallucination? Is he tangible?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Is it him? Doyoung he was _cremated,_ even zombie isn’t possible at that point.”

Doyoung sighed. That’s what he couldn’t figure out yet. “I don’t know…” Doyoung shook his head. “I found him wearing the blue shirt I thought I lost in the hospital, he recognizes some of the pictures, he knows Jaehyun’s university, his major, he knew the weather on his graduation day, he knows that the sweater I’d given him is a pair and that it is supposed to be pink, not purple,” Doyoung rambled. “He recognized _you_ instantly.”

Johnny looked like he was thinking about the whole thing. Spooked, yes, but Johnny has always been the more simple-minded one, he and Jaehyun both, and Doyoung is the overthinker. He’s probably finding simpler solutions to this issue right now.

As if in sync with Doyoung’s thoughts, he suddenly sat straighter. “Jaehyun! Come in here.”

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Testing this out. Wait,” he stopped Doyoung’s nagging as soon as Jaehyun appeared in front of them. “Who’s my first crush?”

Jaehyun answered almost instantly. “Taeil.”

“When did I tell you liked him?”

“We were in 5th grade and you saw him dragging that huge upright bass for orchestra practice and you said _‘the things I do for love’_ and helped him carry it up to the fourth floor. When you came back you said you wanted to marry him.”

Johnny sat there in silence. Doyoung didn’t know what that meant. “Jaehyun, please sit down.” He pulled up a chair and Jaehyun slowly approached, glancing hesitantly at Doyoung.

“What do you remember from today?”

He shook his head. “I don’t remember anything else other than waking up in the middle of the road, the rain was pouring, I didn’t know where I was, I was cold… and then Doyoung came.”

“Before that, what do you remember?”

Jaehyun looked even more confused and conflicted. “It all mush,” he complained. “The last thing I vividly remember is getting accepted at the law firm. A few weeks after I graduated, I think.”

“Don’t you remember Doyoung?”

Jaehyun turned to Doyoung with real curiosity, as if he was searching him. “I’ve been trying to search my brain… but nothing ever registers. According to the pictures in this house, however, I feel like I should.”

“Yeah,” Johnny nodded. “You should. You married him five years ago.”

“Johnny…” Doyoung warned.

“No,” Johnny insisted. “I don’t know how this is happening. But this is Jaehyun. No one but Jaehyun knows that thing with the upright bass. Even Taeil doesn’t know that.” He turned to Jaehyun. “Jaehyun, you _died_ a year ago.” For the first time ever since Doyoung had picked him up, Jaehyun finally showed shock in his expressions. “That’s why Doyoung isn’t approaching you, that’s why he’s hesitating in front of you. You’re supposed to be dead.”

Jaehyun started to ask. “What’s happening?”

“We’re just as clueless as you are. But you’re here. For now, you stay here with Doyoung, until we figure out what’s going on.” He looked to Doyoung for confirmation. He was still conflicted, but other than the fact that he’s _dead,_ there’s no other evidence pointing that this isn’t Jaehyun. So, he nodded. He wasn’t going to overthink this for now. “Jaehyun will you please leave us for a while? I need to talk to Doyoung.”

“Sure thing.” He slid off his chair as the two looked at each other in surprise. Even his response was exactly how Jaehyun usually did. Before he could completely leave, however, he backed and turned to them again. “I do remember something else from earlier today…” he said quietly like he’s unsure of it himself. “I’m not completely sure since I remember hearing something before, I completely woke up.”

“What is it?” Johnny asked.

“It was your voice,” he turned to Doyoung. “I recognize it now, it’s your voice. Right before I woke up, I remember you said ‘ _you’re beautiful, honey’._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you very much for the warm response that i've received after posting the prologue!  
> i'm really nervous about writing this because although i've written jaedo in the past, they've always been a side ship in my other stories, the established couple, the married couple, and i'm unsure if i can give them justice. i seriously hope i can, though.
> 
> thank you for giving this a chance!  
> i hope you enjoyed it


	3. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to tell you, i have no beta reader so you'll have to forgive any errors and typos that i make throughout the duration of this fic. i'd tell you i'm gonna edit them as i go but I've said that for my other past fics and I've never edited a single one of them, so you'll just have to forgive me. Anyway, i've been reading everyone's comments so far and i highly appreciate all of them, i will get around to replying to them eventually, but for now i'm focusing on updating while i still have a solid plot in my brain and before they all disappear. thank you very much for receiving this story so nicely!
> 
> anyway, please enjoy!

To say that the fact that he hasn’t been murdered during the night is a success would be accurate—not that it would have happened, Doyoung was up the entire night. Nothing about this whole situation allowed him to have a good night’s sleep. He spent the entire night tossing and turning around in bed while Jaehyun slept in the spare bedroom that housed most of their books. For now, he’s settled with the idea that this is Jaehyun and for some reason, he’s here. He does not think about the cremation because it only freaks him out. But for now—this is Jaehyun, he’s here, he’s back.

More than just being unable to, he’d honestly been terrified of going to sleep. What if he fell asleep and when he woke up Jaehyun was no longer there? What if it had all just been inside his brain, that Johnny somehow shares? What if he’d been spending the entire day doubting and wasted the only time he got back with Jaehyun? He repeatedly came to his door, contemplating knocking on it just to make sure he was still there, but he decided against it.

It was at around five am when it finally sunk in. He was sitting in the living room, finally giving up on getting some sleep and sipping on tea when Jaehyun walked out in his sweater and pajamas, looking like he got at least some sleep for himself. It was just _too_ familiar, the way he shuffled quietly, and maybe it was Doyoung’s sleep deprived brain but the sight of him, all comfortable and back in their home just struck him so strong. He suddenly started choking up and before long, he was sobbing. At that exact moment, all he could think of doing was to reach out to Jaehyun for comfort. As if by instinct, Jaehyun rushed to him, immediately enveloping his head in between his strong arms.

He even _smells_ the same.

“ _Hey,_ ” Doyoung knew Jaehyun’s exact pattern to comfort him. What was first almost a chokehold, eventually morphed into his usual style. One hand on the back of his head, stroking down to his neck, one hand on the flat of his back, strong and insistent, reminding him that nothing is going to go wrong as long as they were together. It’s Jaehyun. “What’s wrong? Did I do anything to upset you?”

Doyoung buried his face against Jaehyun’s neck, shaking his head against it. “I’m really sorry,” he apologized and tried to pull away, remembering that even though that to him, this is the love of his life, the only person he’d love to the moon and back, a person he thought he’d lost forever a year ago and is now back for god knows how long, to this man, he was still a stranger. “I know you don’t know me.” But Jaehyun pulled him back in.

“Well, according to the photos around this house, I _do._ I don’t just know you, you’re my _husband,_ ” he emphasized before loosening his grasp on Doyoung, allowing him to pull away. “Plus,” he looked away, just like he always did when he was about to say something that made him shy. “You’re cute; I could see why I went after you.” Doyoung smiled despite still wiping his tears and snot.

Jaehyun relaxed against the couch—this portion of the couch has always been his whenever they sat there together and the entire furniture has molded itself around Jaehyun snugly. “Comfy seat,” he commented quietly. “Is this my spot?”

Doyoung looked at him sadly. “Yes. It was.” Doyoung tried to assess the damage he’s done on his face, which could now be extremely puffy and unattractive especially since he hasn’t had a blink of sleep. “Shouldn’t you go back to bed?” he suggested, although he knew Jaehyun, once he woke up, he was up and he wouldn’t be back to sleep while the sun was up unless he was _really_ tired.

“No,” he rested his head against the back of the couch, turning a little towards Doyoung. “I’m not sleepy. And it’s officially morning now, its 5:30.”

Doyoung glanced at the wall clock for confirmation before sighing. “I’m gonna make some tea, do you want coffee?” When he turned to look at him Jaehyun was suppressing a smile. Doyoung’s chest was blooming, he missed him _so much_ and it saddens him that he couldn’t even do what he wants to do in fear that he’d freak him out. It seemed like Jaehyun could remember everything in his life _except_ Doyoung. When he and Johnny talked about this the night before, the ever hopeless romantic that he is, Johnny said “maybe this tests if you’ll fall in love again”. Doyoung smacked him on the side of his head for having such absurd ideas.

When they got to the topic of why they think Jaehyun’s back, Doyoung couldn’t supply anything but Johnny thought it through. “Well,” he said slowly. “Call me crazy or something—,”

“Crazy.” Doyoung interrupted.

Johnny sighed but he was smiling. “Call me crazy but he did say he’ll be back.” Doyoung lost his cheekiness when Jaehyun’s last moments rushed back to him, when he gripped Doyoung’s hands tightly—too much strength for someone who’d been bedridden for weeks—and asked him if he’d be there when he wakes up. But he didn’t wake up—not until now. “And you were there when he woke up, just like you promised.”

Noticing that he’d been zoning out, Jaehyun reached out to him. “Hey.”

Doyoung blinked, focusing back on Jaehyun pretending to be annoyed. “Why were you smiling?” Doyoung asked.

Jaehyun relaxed. “Nothing,” he shrugged. “You said you were gonna make tea but you offered me coffee. It’s nice having someone who already knows me.” He smiled to himself, and then to Doyoung. It wasn’t such a big smile but it was enough for his dimples to show.

Doyoung decided not to answer and instead chose to pat him on the knee, walk to the kitchen, where Jaehyun eventually followed. While he boiled a kettle of water, Jaehyun sat by the counter and watched him work while rays of sun slowly peaked through their opened curtains. “Oh, _that’s pretty,_ ” he breathed when shadows of the leaves right outside their window cast gentle shadows on the bookshelf. “I bet I liked looking at that.”

“You did.” Doyoung smiled. “During breakfast you liked sitting here,” he pointed to the seat across where Jaehyun was sitting. “So you could watch it do that.”

Jaehyun hummed as if in deep thought. He just stayed quiet for a while Doyoung busied himself with the drinks. Eventually, he handed Jaehyun a hot mug of the coffee that Doyoung still had some of. He sometimes brewed it because the smell brought about Jaehyun’s familiarity around the house which comforted him when he was at his worst. 

He could feel Jaehyun’s eyes on him while he gently dunk his tea bag into the hot water. 

“Will you remind me?” He suddenly asked Doyoung. 

“Huh?” He looked up, temporarily thrown off by the gentlest expression painted on his face. 

“Will you tell me how we met?”

Doyoung stood there, incredulous. “Uhhhh…. Sure. We were schoolmates since middle school, got together at college, and married in 2020.” He said simply, avoiding his eyes and the obvious underlying message that he wanted him to narrate the entire thing. 

“That’s it?”

“Not exactly.”

“Doyoung please? From the start?”

Doyoung made the mistake of looking at him straight in his eyes. Suddenly, his meticulously-built resolve melted in an instant. So much for being so meticulously-built. “After breakfast maybe.”

-

After lunch, when the sun was still high up but angled away from the porch, they both sat on the wooden floors with cold teas sweating in their glasses when Doyoung finally got to it. _In complete detail,_ just like Jaehyun had asked him to. 

“Okay, so, let’s see…” he chewed on a biscuit quietly, mapping their entire history together, figuring where it actually started. “We’re in different years so we never really interacted in middle school, we had _some_ interaction in high school since we were both in the marching band.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun seemed to have recalled something familiar. “I played bass trombone.”

Doyoung nodded, hopeful about the fact that Jaehyun had memories which could simply expand to include him in the picture. “I played french horn.”

Jaehyun encouraged him to continue. “We weren’t close, we just knew we existed. We didn’t have a _full, proper_ conversation until we were in college. You were a freshman then.”

“Did I work quickly?”

“Quick is an understatement.”

—

**_2015_ **

Doyoung almost melted into his seat, uncomfortable with the current attention he’s been getting. He could feel his neck heat up as two eyes bore on him from across the room. 

Yuta chewed loudly, bickering with Taeyong from across the table. Eventually, the two stopped kicking each other from underneath the table just enough to notice what had been bothering Doyoung. 

“What’s up with Jung Jaehyun?” Taeyong turned to him, finally noticing Doyoung. “Why are you so _red?_ ” Taeyong looked at both of them back and forth, curious and increasingly accusatory as he squinted at the both of them. “Did something happen between the two of you?” He pointed at him, suspicious. Doyoung slapped his hand away in annoyance, still acutely aware that the freshman was still eyeing him from across the cafeteria without even faltering for a second. His friends sitting around him whispered things to him occasionally and sometimes even threw certain looks at Doyoung, but Jaehyun just _kept staring._

“Why is he doing that? It’s so creepy.” Doyoung adjusted himself in his seat, trying to turn away from Jung’s direction. 

“Why is he staring at you?” Yuta asked.

“I don’t know,” Doyoung shrugged.

“Do you want me to fight him for you?” he offered, in very genuine Yuta fashion. He hiked his sleeves up, showing his well-developed but still too weak to win if Johnny fucking Suh comes to Jaehyun’s aid. 

“What fight,” Taeyong kicked him in the shin again. “Calm down. There could be romantic shit going on, don’t cockblock.” 

Doyoung groaned, about to complain that there is absolutely nothing romantic going on. He hasn’t even talked to the boy even once in his life, that it’s impossible, before he eventually had a bigger reason to groan. Jung Jaehyun stood up, several eyes following his every move—not just those from his friends but other pairs of eyes were also trained to follow him around. Confidently, he took big steps across the room. Doyoung wished he would go to the other side and maybe leave or something but he just kept walking towards their table.

“What the fuck?” Taeyong murmured under his breath, turning to Doyoung. “This is it,” he teased. “This is the moment we’ve been waiting for. Doyoung will finally get himself a boy.”

Yuta perked. “A boy?”

“ _A boy._ ” Taeyong emphasized. He shouldn’t have let them watch that Emma Stone movie. They’ve been quoting it at least twice a day (mostly just to annoy Doyoung), and they couldn’t stop singing Pocketful of Sunshine which was even worse. 

Finally, Jung Jaehyun stopped by their table. His former confidence had now turned into unease now that he has two juniors and a sophomore pointedly looking at him. “Uhh, hi,” he shifted his balance to the other foot and took his hands out of his pockets to stand politely in front of his seniors. “Doyoung...sir?” he hesitated and addressed him like he was a bank manager and he was about to make a measly withdrawal. His two friends burst into a fit of giggles because of it. “Please don’t call him that.”

“Just…” Doyoung hit Taeyong, aware of the eyes focused on them and their little commotion. “What do you need?”

“Can we talk somewhere private?”

Doyoung hesitated. What would Jung Jaehyun need with him? He was sure he didn’t need help when it came to Doyoung’s tutorial services, he was on the top of his class in high school. Good looking and smart—the envy of many. They have nothing in common, though, Jung is in Law, he’s in Journalism. In high school, they only had the marching band together and nothing else, they didn’t even play the same instrument. For the life of him, he couldn’t come up with any reason why Jung Jaehyun would need to talk to him. The thing is, however, all this has been attracting attention and a lot of people kept looking at them back and forth, and rejecting Jung’s request could cause even more attention.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “Go ahead.” He motioned for Jaehyun to go so he could follow after him. While he quietly walked behind him, he noticed so many eyes trained on the both of them and in the distance, his two friends giggling like crazy. He glared at them while he seriously re-evaluated his choice of friends. Is it too late to find new ones now? If Jaehyun offers him a spot with his group of friends with Johnny and that small kid Mark, should he just accept? Those boys look like they’re nice. At least some of them.

Jung Jaehyun turned to an abandoned hallway, and swayed a little while he waited for Doyoung to catch up. When Doyoung finally stopped in front of him, he became even more nervous. That, however, did nothing to hide the fact that he’s probably one of the best looking people he’s ever seen in his life. They were almost the same height—just enough to make sure that he would have to _look_ at his face when they’re standing like this. He tried not to be distracted by beauty and looked at the lockers behind Jung.

Finally, Jaehyun sighed. “Will… will you be my boyfriend?”

Doyoung just stood there without any thoughts in his mind. He’d explored so many possible reasons why Jung needed to talk to him but asking Doyoung to be his boyfriend hadn’t been on the list. “What?” he gaped, he probably looked stupid.

“I didn’t say that right,” he looked around, looking harried. “Can we like… pretend that we’re dating?”

Doyoung’s face transformed into weird confused expressions. “Did you lose a bet? Are you trying to exact revenge? Why me?”

“No, none of those,” he shook his head slightly, looking a little embarrassed. Now, it was him who wouldn’t look at Doyoung straight in the eyes. “I joined the music club…” his voice faltered, and it seemed like he wouldn’t continue.

“That explains nothing?” Doyoung was absolutely bewildered, but since he noticed that the younger had become even more anxious, he decided to soften his tone. “Please continue.” He encouraged.

“My mom didn’t want me joining clubs that wouldn’t help me with my degree so I didn’t tell her I joined the music club because she would make me quit. But she noticed that I’m not coming home early, I go out on Saturdays, stuff like that. So I told him I had a boyfriend and that we have different schedules since he’s a Sophomore and I spend all this time meeting up.” It almost made Doyoung chuckle but he stopped himself, he didn’t want to make the boy even more nervous than he currently is. Jung Jaehyun _looked_ like he’d be a jerk, but with the way he’s speaking of his academics, his club, and the lame excuses he’s given his mother, he’s starting to feel like he’s not the asshole type at all. 

“On school festival day we had this presentation, we’ve been preparing for it for _days,_ but then suddenly, my mom came to visit and we were gonna perform in like… minutes, I had to take her somewhere else. So I took her to the other side of the campus to watch the academic presentations and the speech events. She asked why I took her there, I told her, ‘ _my boyfriend is here, I can’t see him, but he told me he’s going to be here’_ so, I excused myself, told her I was gonna get her some food, performed, went back to her _without the food,_ ” he paused his rambling, as if he’s once again disappointed about his own lapse. “I wanted to drag her away from there but started pestering me about where my boyfriend was and that she wanted to _at least_ see him before she goes. You were doing your extemporaneous speech then…” Jaehyun looked up at him apologetically.

“You pointed to the speaking guy so she wouldn’t have to insist on approaching.”

“Yeah,” he nodded sheepishly. “And she knows you, we’re schoolmates and your brother is like… the boy mom’s compare their sons to, so I didn’t have to make this whole backstory. Plus, you’re a Sophomore. You just fit the bill, I’m sorry.”

Doyoung exhaled. He understood how the issue could have gotten out of hand. “But why do I have to pretend now?”

“Oh yeah,” Jaehyun chuckled awkwardly. “She wants to meet you.”

“What?!”

“ _I’m sorry,_ ” he frowned and pouted. “She seemed like she was doubting my story and I was scared she’d find out I was lying to her, I’d be in even deeper shit. I just had to tell her she could meet my _boyfriend._ ”

“Your problem doesn’t concern me at all,” Doyoung tried to argue, even though he was already worried about what would happen to Jung if he told his mother he’d been lying to her just to attend music club practices when he’s supposed to be studying to be a lawyer. Jaehyun was enrolled in Korea University’s _School of Law,_ Doyoung could bet his entire liver she’s _that_ type of mom. But was weirdly somehow okay with her son having a boyfriend. “I wouldn’t even get anything out of this.”

“I can pay you,” Jaehyun immediately offered. _Rich kids are weird._ “I know you’re tutoring, I can pay you with whatever three students would, and all you have to do is come to eat with us occasionally or help me when she’s around, and sometimes pretend to everyone else, too.” He added the last part so quietly he almost started asking whether he was serious about the payment.

“What do you mean everyone else, too?”

Jaehyun groaned uncomfortably. “I know my mom, she’ll investigate. We’ll have to _at least_ arouse suspicion around school.”

“My brother goes here.”

“If he could be trusted, you can tell him, your friends, too, you can tell them the truth.”

“He’d never be okay with me pretending to be someone’s boyfriend for money.”

“Then we’ll have to pretend in front of him, too.”

“This is absolutely crazy,” Doyoung shook his head disbelievingly. 

“Please,” Jaehyun took a step to approach him, face pleading and desperate. “I know I’ll have to leave the club to focus eventually, but _not now,_ I want to enjoy at least a little before I have to bury myself in my degree. Just for a while.”

Doyoung looked at him and scanned for any doubt that this boy is acting and is just trying to prank him. But he did look like he had no other choice. And it’s not like he could ask someone else to do it for him. He’ll at least have the money he needs to save without actually having to tutor children.

“Four students worth.” He tried to haggle jokingly.

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're entering fake dating era!
> 
> to make sure the story wouldn't be too heavy, their dating life flashback will be mixed with their current lives with jaehyun alive and back and all of it will be told from doyoung's perspective since he's telling the story to jaehyun. there will be year markers to make sure that you won't get confused but in case you have a problem with the timeline, you can always ask me through the comments section or you can dm me through twitter @choisoftcheol. as you may have noticed, this year, 2020, is mentioned as the day they get married, so the main plot is set five years from now
> 
> the entire narration will be formatted with block letters so if there are sudden portions or paragraphs within them that are completely in italics, it means there is a timeline shift (flashback shift to main storyline or main storyline shift to flashback) i hope i don't confuse you huhu. as i've mentioned, you're very welcome to ask all you want
> 
> thank you very much for taking the time to read this, i hope you enjoyed it!


	4. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the video for doyoung’s new cover of iu’s 마음을 드려요 fits my imagined mood of this story! ❤️ also let’s stream it

Sometimes Taeyong and Yuta were very useful. When Jung Jaehyun walked him back to his table, they were both exaggeratedly angled towards them, making a show of their arrival. By the laws of whatever it is in the universe, this makes everyone else interested in them, too, and even though the rest didn’t try to make a big deal out of it, curious glances were still thrown. Well, for one thing, Jaehyun had a hand on his lower back, just resting there, applying the smallest of pressures against Doyoung’s skin. Yuta was already pointedly staring right at where Jung’s arm disappeared behind him. 

Doyoung was already used to his friends’ teasing but it was almost unbearable when even Jung’s friends from _across the room_ started joining in, too. “So,” the boy couldn’t look at him in the eye. “I’ll call you then?” His eyes were hopeful, probably hoping that he hadn’t changed his mind in the middle of the whole teasing thing. They’d exchanged numbers right before they went back in and after much convincing on Jaehyun’s part, he agreed to add small heart emojis after their names. Doyoung couldn’t stop looking at it—he’d never been in a relationship before and having that small heart beside a contact’s name made him feel weird. They agreed to meet up for coffee on the weekend so they could talk about certain details of the “relationship” before he could officially meet Jaehyun’s mother.

He smiled a little, reassuring Jaehyun that he didn’t have cold feet. He needed that money, after all. “Okay,” Doyoung nodded as timidly as he could, and for an outsider, he even looked almost bashful. Maybe they _could_ convince the student body then. 

“See you on Saturday then,” Jaehyun smiled gently at him. His newfound confidence gave him an unnecessary idea that maybe he’d be less affected by Jaehyun’s beauty but the moment he met his eyes mid-smile, he was once again caught off-guard. He didn’t know what expression showed on his face but Jaehyun sure did notice his reaction. 

“See you.”

Jaehyun removed the hand resting against his lower back and bowed to Yuta and Taeyong’s direction before walking off to his friends who were obviously excited to poke fun at him as soon as he sits back with them. When Doyoung turned back to his own friends, he knew they were going to have to hang out by a cafe after classes again. “I’ll explain later.”

“Oh, _you will._ ”

-

It wasn’t a surprise to Doyoung that Yuta and Taeyong were a hundred percent on-board with the entire situation right away. He didn’t even have to narrate _why_ Jaehyun had to convince him to do it, he just said they needed to pretend like they were dating and the two immediately started laughing, excited. About what, Doyoung didn’t really know what.

“What’s so funny?” Doyoung groaned. “I’ve gone to the lowest of the lows, I’ve pimped myself out. I have _no_ idea how we’re going to pull this off, honestly.”

“Oh, pulling it off isn’t a problem.” Yuta shrugged, taking a long sip of his coffee. “Just that little shy, awkward, little show at lunch was enough to convince some others that you two are _at least_ fucking.” Doyoung hit him on the arm to chastise him. “What?” he demanded, mouth still full of coffee.

Doyoung sighed worriedly, slumping his seat. He wanted to just get the whole thing out of his mind for now but his two friends wouldn’t stop throwing teasing glances at each other, seemingly communicating telepathically without including him. “What now?”

“Nothing,” Taeyong smiled. “I just think you’re going to fall in love _so hard._ Have you seen movies? Shit like this never turned out any other way.”

“That’s because it isn’t exciting so they never show situations like ours; those that don’t end up… _that way._ ” He scrunched up his nose, displeased at the thought of developing anything romantic with Jung Jaehyun. Sure, he’s good looking, and smart, and so far he doesn’t seem like a complete asshole, but he just doesn’t seem like the type of person Doyoung usually likes. He’s usually attracted to loud, naughty types, the ones who scale school fences—he’s liked boys with the dropping-out to pursue music type of personality one too many times. Jaehyun just seemed… closed-off and boring. He couldn’t see it anywhere in his future.

“As much as I hate it,” Yuta said. “I agree with Taeyong.” He fake-shivered. “By the end of this all, you’re gonna be _so married_ to Jung Jaehyun, mark my words.”

Doyoung made an expression of disgust. He couldn’t even see _liking_ that boy romantically, so, the thought of being married to him doesn’t really seem that appealing to him. And impossible. “No, thank you.”

“Yuta,” Taeyong ignored him and physically turned away from him. “I bet you 50 bucks they’re gonna fall in love because of this.”

“Okay, let’s do it this way,” Yuta turned to Doyoung a little then ignored the little protest sounds coming out of him. “If they fall in love, I give you 50 bucks, but on their _wedding day,_ you need to give it back to me.”

“What if they never get married?”

“Then the 50 bucks is yours forever.”

“Deal.” The two shook hands to seal off the agreement.

“I deal you both 50 bucks it’s not going to happen.”

“ _Both of us?_ ” Taeyong raised his brows. “You’re that confident?”

Indignant, Doyoung sat up straight and held out both his hands for his friends to shake. “I am. Deal?”

“Deal.” The two nodded at the same time.

-

Saturday arrived too quickly for Doyoung’s liking. He liked thinking that Jaehyun could change his mind and tell his mom the truth and she could let him enjoy his college years through letting him participate in the club and Doyoung would never have to enter that silly charade with him. But Saturday came and all he got from Jung Jaehyun was a text message about confirming their little meeting in the afternoon. He had to study outside anyway so he decided to just tell Jaehyun that they could meet there to talk. 

Doyoung was typing away, trying to complete the 3-page article review that was due on Wednesday. He just barely finished reading the article and making the outline when the younger walked in his usual, neutral-colored warm clothes. One of his female friends in high school who wanted to be a stylist ran after Jaehyun so much. But unlike the others, Kyungin didn’t want anything romantic. She just wanted him as the focal point of her passion project, said he was too good-looking for someone who dresses so blandly. But Jung had always politely declined, stating he was comfortable with his own style. 

Just like most places that he graces his presence with, multiple eyes followed Jaehyun as he navigated the tables to sit with Doyoung. “Hi, Doyoung… hyung? I can call you that, right?”

Doyoung shrugged nonchalantly. “Sure,” his eyes continued to be focused on his work. He wasn’t going to spend his time talking to Jaehyun without having finished at least a page of his assignment. “You go ahead and order for yourself, I have to do this first.”

They sat in silence for a while—Doyoung continuously typing on his laptop and Jaehyun quietly sipping his coffee while he looked out the window. It was raining lightly outside and it seemed like he was enjoying just watching the raindrops. He wasn’t just staring at them because there was nothing else to do, he had his phone in his hand but he was paying no mind. He alternately stared at the sky, then the ground, then the motion by which rain was falling. He was so bizarre that Doyoung barely noticed that he’s been staring for too long.

“You’re done?” Jaehyun was apparently already staring back at him, making Doyoung jump in surprise. 

“Uh, no,” despite that, Doyoung was almost done anyway so he saved the document and shut his laptop close. “But I can write more tonight. So,” he took a sip of his tea, which, unfortunately, has gone cold. “How do we do this?”

Jung Jaehyun straightened in his seat, like he’s about to give a report. Which is how he’s probably treating this as. “I thought about it last night. We could just maintain the normal backstories but when it comes to where and how we got close and,” he lowered his voice significantly. “How we _fell in love,_ we could tell her we got close from sitting together at the library and we started studying together outside. At least we both do that a lot. We could just tell her we did it together.”

Doyoung nodded. He does see the younger at the university library sometimes and when he wasn’t there, he just simply assumed that he was using the law school library. “Yeah, that’s pretty foolproof.” He agreed. 

“You need to tell me things about you and your mom, too so I can impress her.”

“No need,” Jaehyun. “To impress her, I mean. She already thinks you and your brother are perfect. You are both very smart, you have leadership skills, athletic—” Doyoung snorted at that. He only entered sports because he didn’t want to be the underperforming sibling. If he was given the choice, he would have preferred going to sleep rather than go to archery practice. “You obviously dote on your parents, good-looking…”

“You are,” Doyoung let it slip before he could stop himself. He was getting flustered with the compliments and he wanted to throw some back. “Smart and good-looking.”

Jaehyun smiled nicely. “The point is, she’d love it if I was dating you. I can only imagine their weekend golf mom brunches. She’d make sure to mention I was dating you.”

Doyoung took a sip of his tea. So his mom was really _that_ type. The golf-playing, brunch-eating at overpriced restaurants with intellectually stretched children stage-mom type. He did know that Jaehyun’s father is a lawyer and a law professor at SNU. “Still, tell me about you.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “My birthday is on February 14,” Doyoung suddenly had an intrusive thought that if he was _really_ dating Jaehyun, he’d save on Valentines Gift and Birthday Gift since he could buy one for both. But he quickly shook the thoughts away. “I like listening to music in the dark of my room while I light scented candles. I think it’s nicer to talk to someone while we listen. I’m usually alone but it’s fun, too.” He smiled sheepishly. “Sounds boring, I know. But I like it.”

“I do that, too.”

-

2025

If Doyoung of today were to point out any specific time that he started to feel something for Jaehyun—he’d say the moment Jaehyun told him about liking listening to music in his room unapologetically. It wasn’t huge. It wasn’t like in the movies where director’s zoom into actors face and and if they were very good, you’d see a sudden bloom in their faces and you’d know they had _fallen_ in love. But it wasn’t that case for Doyoung. He just felt a small skip. A small stimulus in his brain that sent a tiny lump in his throat that was easy to force down. 

He just thought, _if he wanted to talk to someone surrounded by music and scented candles, I could easily be that person._ It sounded awesome. 

“Yeah,” Jaehyun looked up at the swaying of the braches, dropping leaves onto the ground as the afternoon slowly transitioned into twilight. “I did that a lot back then. Did I continue to do that?”

“There were some changes, but yeah, we did.”

Jaehyun turned to him, pointedly aware of the change in pronouns. He smiled widely—sending a surge of emotion throughout Doyoung’s chest. For a little while, he’d forgotten that Jaehyun doesn’t really remember him. But he could hope, right? “Continue with the story.” He urged. 

“Let’s maybe make some dinner first.”

-

After some persuasion, Doyoung finally relented and told Jaehyun more stories about when they were pretending to date. He told him of the times they met up for coffee study “dates” (which Doyoung consistently denied that they were) to at least be comfortable with each other before facing Jaehyun’s mom, the times they let their friends meet and the instant connection and chaos between the two groups which was made even bigger when Johnny’s senior friend (and eventual husband), Taeil, was added into the group. They both made sure to sit together and beside each other, just to show the people around school that they were _at least_ something, in case his mom comes snooping. 

While he told some anecdotes, Jaehyun flipped through some polaroid albums. He asked questions occasionally, either about the stories or about the polaroids. He held a picture up and waited until Doyoung turned from his stirring. “Where is this one from?” In the picture, they were both in formal suits, sitting beside each other, smiling brightly while they looked into each other’s eyes. Even in the picture it felt like it was just the two of them and no one else existed. 

“It’s from a wedding.”

“Ours?”

Doyoung smiled to himself, liking how Jaehyun had started referring to it as “ours”. “No.” he couldn’t even stop the fondness in his voice. For some reason, there was a part of him that liked the fact that Jaehyun couldn’t remember. If he could, all they’ll talk about is the end and how difficult it was for both of them. All they’ll do is overthink and probably obsess for ways to figure out why Jaehyun is back—everything would have been infinitely more complicated. 

This seemed better. 

For Jaehyun it’s a brand new story, for Doyoung, it’s reliving the good times, back when he wasn’t constantly terrified of losing the love of his life to death—all while they enjoyed each other’s company. 

“We got married _way_ before that picture was taken.” The photo was taken at Taeyong’s wedding, just a few months before Jaehyun’s health sloped steeply downwards. 

“I figured,” he hummed. “I look sick.”

He wanted to say he looked beautiful. But he held his tongue. The procedures tired Jaehyun out and he lost so much weight because his medicine made him feel nauseated he could barely keep anything down. On the week of Taeyong’s wedding, Jaehyun was miraculously feeling better and they managed to complete the night without any emergencies. 

They finished eating dinner and got ready for bed very early. Despite their slow day, they were still quite tired by the end of the day. Doyoung was reclined and comfortable in front of the TV, trying to take his mind away from the fact that it’s another day that’s gone and he still doesn’t have any idea if this situation with Jaehyun is long term or not. 

One day he could wake up and he wouldn’t be here anymore. 

But Doyoung hasn’t had any sleep yet. He’d been wanting to go to bed since before dinner but he didn’t want to mess up his sleep schedule, so he’s waiting. Jaehyun finally came out of the bathroom and plopped beside him on the couch. “Aren’t you tired? You haven’t had any sleep since yesterday.”

“I am,” as if on cue, he started yawning. 

“Speaking of…” Jaehyun started to say. “Can I sleep beside you? I mean, we’re married so it’s okay, right?” Despite his instincts telling him not to sleep with a person who’s “back from the dead”, he was also terrified of losing him again. It did also remind him of when they just made their relationship official and Jaehyun requested the same thing in the exact same manner. 

“If you’re not Jaehyun and you’re a murderer, make it quick and painless, okay?”

-

Doyoung should have known that it would be some kind of awkward. Despite Jaehyun seeming like he was all cozy and chill, Doyoung didn’t really know how to act. If he did what he wanted to, he could just straight up cuddle with him, but he knew he couldn’t do that. 

“Can I scoot closer?” Jaehyun whispered quietly. It was a big relief to him that he was initiating things. 

“Sure.” Jaehyun moved closer to him, head relaxing against his shoulder. Reminiscent of their old lives before Jaehyun’s illness turned for the worse, Doyoung dimmed the lights and played Jaehyun’s bedtime playlist. 

“ _Yes,_ ” Jaehyun sighed against his arm. “Wonderful.”

They were quiet for a few songs, Doyoung was reading on his Kindle and Jaehyun just stared at the wall, unmoving. Eventually, Jaehyun cleared his throat. “Doyoung?”

“Yeah?”

“Go ahead and treat me like you usually do.”

“Huh?” He put his Kindle down by the bedside table and turned his head to look at Jaehyun. 

“I know you’re holding back because I don’t have memories of you, but it doesn’t mean I don’t remember you.” Doyoung’s heart skipped a beat, but he was still confused. How can Jaehyun have no memories of him but still _remember_ him? “When I look at our pictures together, the feeling of that moment rushes back to me. In one of the skiing pictures, I knew I had some kind of injury then because I started remembering the pain on my leg. I remember those tiny little feelings.”

Doyoung held his breath, still unsure of how to react. “You… you incite a different feeling. Still positive, but I’ve searched all of my memories last night when I lay in bed, nothing ever compares. Then I realized, it’s because nothing else and no one else made me feel like that in my entire life. Just you. Even when I was drenched in rain, I felt warm the moment I saw your face. Even when I was lonely in the other room, I felt comfort just by the thought of you existing in the next room. When you’re telling the story of how we got close, I feel like I’m eighteen all over again, affectionate at the thought of you studying across the table. When I saw you cry…” Jaehyun paused. “It just dawned on me. My mind has no memories of you, but my heart still has them. My heart is still in love with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you’re enjoying this so far! thank you very much for the taking the time to read this ❤️ as usual, you can ask questions through the comments or through Twitter. however, my main account is currently locked so you can contact me through my alternate account @choisofcheol
> 
> also, i made a playlist that i listen to whenever i write. there are NO spoilers here, they’re just inspiration. here’s a link if you want to check it out. [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4jHe0vrvzCTl5EUaO7ey0B?si=52LjX3qKRQaAmFSol027Bw)


End file.
